GOOD JOKES!!!...lets hear em...

[ripple]

Help from Canada...
PRESS RELEASE:

Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary

President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement:

CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM!

WE HAVE PLEDGED:
- 2 BATTLE SHIPS,
- 600 GROUND TROOPS,
- 6 FIGHTER JETS.

AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:
- 2 CANOES,
- 6 MOUNTIES,
- AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS

[iron_maiden]

Originally Posted by ripple

WE HAVE PLEDGED:
- 2 BATTLE SHIPS,
- 600 GROUND TROOPS,
- 6 FIGHTER JETS.

WOW...thats our entire military force... :-*

[Techunter]

Originally Posted by ripple

Help from Canada...
PRESS RELEASE:

.......- AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS

Hey, Rocky! Wanna see me pull a rabbit outa my hat?!
Oops! Wrong hat!
-----------------------
"Moose & Squirrel must die!", -Boris-

[dgreen]

"The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John
Kerry. You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he
has twice as many people mad at him." - Jay Leno

"We make jokes about it but the truth is this presidential election
really offers us a choice of two well-informed opposing positions on every
issue. OK, they both belong to John Kerry, but they're still there." -Jay Leno

"John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He
originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq." - Jay Leno

"President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry
calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating." - Jay Leno

"Well the good news for Democrats, now over half the country can
identify a picture of John Kerry. The bad news, the majority still thinks
he's the dad from 'The Munsters."'! - Jay Leno

"John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know,
as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them." - Jay Leno

"They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in
history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that's
nothing. He once raised $500 million with two words: 'I do.'" - Jay Leno

[coyboy]

A woman, completely fed up with her husband's HSM (HotStockMarket) obsession finally takes matters into her own hands.
One night as he is sitting at the computer, she goes into the bedroom, takes off all her clothes, puts on a full length fur coat and she posts herself between her husband and his monitor.

She pulls open the jacket and yells, "Time for Super S'ex!"

He ignores her.

So, she repeatedly yells, "Super S'ex! Super S'ex! Super S'ex!"

Finally he replies, "Ok, I'll take the soup."

[bamaman]

DAD'S JOB
Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the
teacher asked the children what their fathers did
for a living. All the typical answers came
up-fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc.
Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so
the teacher asked him about his father. "My
father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money
in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really
good, he will go home with some guy and make love
with him for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement,
hurriedly set the other children to work on some
exercises and took little Johnny aside to ask him,
"Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said Johnny . "He works for the Democratic
National Committee to elect John Kerry, but I was
too embarrassed to say that in front of the other
kids!"

[rs2183]

LOL!!!!!!! :-* :-* :-* :-*

Originally Posted by bamaman

DAD'S JOB
Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the
teacher asked the children what their fathers did
for a living. All the typical answers came
up-fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc.
Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so
the teacher asked him about his father. "My
father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money
in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really
good, he will go home with some guy and make love
with him for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement,
hurriedly set the other children to work on some
exercises and took little Johnny aside to ask him,
"Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said Johnny . "He works for the Democratic
National Committee to elect John Kerry, but I was
too embarrassed to say that in front of the other
kids!"

[iron_maiden]

Norwegian Firefighters
One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved and I will give $50,000 to the fire departm ent that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Norwegians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant.....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norsk old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Norsk fire fighters. The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "da furst ting ve do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!"

[RGhonaim]

First post in the cocktail for RG, I see a party going on here, way ta go Iron with this jokes thread

Here goes one I got from a friend...

CHINESE SICK LEAVE, I NOT COME WORK TODAY!!!

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

[KoldFuzun]

ROFL, nice one RG